


These Broken Parts Linger On

by sigrun1asatru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 14:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13882932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sigrun1asatru/pseuds/sigrun1asatru
Summary: Years after praimfaya peace has been established. Clarke and Octavia bond over their lost loves.





	These Broken Parts Linger On

**Author's Note:**

> I'm depressed and this wouldnt leave my head so I thought I'd share. Angst with a little hope at the end. Not my best work but then again I'm never happy with anything I write.

Clarke Griffin sat on hill overlooking the rebuilt city of Polis sketchbook in hand. Glancing down at the sketch of the landscape she'd been working on she sighed deeply. They'd had peace for two years. What was left of humanity while not thriving yet was starting to do more than survive. She should be happy but most days she struggled to put one foot in front of the other and continue on. 

She flipped the page in her sketchbook and felt her heart seize. Lexa as she was when they had lain in bed together. The only time either of them had been truly happy. Closing her eyes she swore she could almost feel Lexa's touch. No one had ever touched or looked at her like Lexa : like she was the most precious, beautiful thing in the world and she was in awe to be in Clarke's presence. It'd been nine years yet the ache never seemed to lessen, she still missed Lexa just as much. She tried to live because she knew that's what Lexa would have wanted but how do you live with half of your heart and soul missing? Letting out a growl of frustration she tossed the book aside and buried her face in her hands. 

"whoa .What did a drawing do to you?" Clarke's head jerked up to see Octavia holding the sketchbook. " I didn't know Lexa knew how to smile." Octavia sat down beside Clarke and handed her the sketchbook.

Clarke took it and reverently traced said smile with a fingertip. " I could never quite draw her right. No matter how many times I've tried I can never capture how beautiful she was. She didn't smile for many people."

They sat together in silence for several minutes before Octavia broke the quiet. "It doesn't get any easier does it?" Clarke looked at her questioningly so she pointed to the sketch of Lexa. "missing them it doesn't get easier not really. I'm not as angry anymore about it but the ache in my chest never dulls."  
Clarke nodded and contemplated staying silent. She didn't talk to anyone about Lexa and people had learned not to mention her but maybe talking would help. This was Octavia who'd fallen in love with the "enemy" just like her, who'd lost the love of her life just like her, who'd never tell her to just move on because she understood it was impossible. This was Octavia who'd apologized for blaming her for the choices she'd made. The Octavia who knew how much seeing her in the Commander gear hurt Clarke so she wore it as little as possible. 

Swallowing hard Clarke turned her gaze back to the town below. "I still dream of her the nights I'm able to sleep. Every night never fails. In dreams we have a life together and I wake up alone with this huge hole in my heart that can never be filled. She's gone and she's not coming back because loving me got her killed. Out of all the shit I've done that weighs the heaviest. That probably makes me a shitty person but it's not Finn, not Mount Weather but her death that I carry the most guilt for. She was my strength but I was her weakness and it killed her. I miss her so much which is kinda ridiculous considering I didn't know her long but I knew her. My soul knew hers. She's dead and a big part of me died with her. I've saved people but I couldn't save her. I don't know how to keep going on without her. I just want it to end."

Octavia wrapped her arms around Clarke pulling her close. Clarke was sobbing into her jacket and it tore Octavia apart to hear her friend blame herself. "You are in no way responsible for Lexa's death. I used to blame myself for Lincoln. I was so angry at not only Pike but myself. If Lincoln hadn't of loved me he never would have disobeyed Lexa and wouldn't have been stuck in Arkadia for that maniac to shoot. Love is never weakness. It's the only thing truly worth fighting for in this world. You didn't kill Lexa and I didn't kill Lincoln. That's solely on Titus and Pike. You two fought for peace and we're here in large part because of you and Lexa. Lexa is still with you maybe not physically but she always will be just like Lincoln is with me always. You continue on for the people who need you. You have a wonderful daughter: a huge pain in the ass sometimes like her mom but wonderful. You continue to help me show the world a better way."

Clarke sniffled and pulled away from Octavia. "Thanks. You know I envy you in a way. You had months with Lincoln. I know it's not enough it could never be enough but I had hours. We were truly together for a couple hours and then she was gone. All I have is a few memories and a lot if what ifs"

"More memories doesn't make it easier. Would you mind telling me about Lexa; the real Lexa not the Commander. Only if you want to of course but I think someone besides you should remember her."

"She was the kindest, most selfless person I've ever known. Her smile god: it was always this half smile like she was trying not to but couldn't help it. Her eyes : they changed color depending on her mood sometimes gray others a green I've never seen anywhere else. And the way she looked at me not like a monster like others did. She saw me and loved me for all that I was even the ugly bits. ..."

Time passed with Clarke recounting her memories and Octavia listening with a kind smile. Finally Clarke realized it would be getting dark soon and they should head inside. 

Clarke gathered her things and they headed down the hill. "Do you think... I mean Lexa always said death is not the end... do you think reincarnation is real? That we'll see them again for real?"

"Yeah I do. I mean you saw her in the city of light so I think that proves something exists after death. Maybe in our next life we won't have to try and save the world. We can just be happy. In this life when it gets too much I'm always willing to listen. I've got your back.

"Same Octavia. Same."


End file.
